Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: We're gonna do just a short tribute to our friend Chris, AKA Captain Hot Knives.
The entire music scene has been rocked.
And yes, it's tough. It's tough to say the words, but I would say my friendship with Chris started like most people's.
I was in a muddy field, a music festival, and I heard a few hundred people laughing from outside.
So I wandered into the tent.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: And.
[00:00:49] Speaker A: I'm almost certain it was mushrooms.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: In the fields of Scotland after the rain has been raining My feet are getting wet, my trainers are soaking But I'm not bothered.
See me out in the fields Looking on the ground with me little plastic bag See what I've found Mushroom mushrooms Little nipple shaped mushrooms Lovely Scottish mushrooms Lovely nipple shaped mushrooms.
What a great free thing to find what an unusual thing to do to me mind Take em back to me.
[00:01:59] Speaker C: House.
[00:02:03] Speaker B: Spread the newspaper out put them out to dry make myself a pot of tea and I don't need the milk and sugar for this particular brew All I need is boiling water Mushrooms, mushrooms Feel me legs are going long Feel me hands are going strange Everything is rearranged Everything is rearranged Now I'm back out in the fields laughing at the trees Turn the volume down on the grass I can't tell if I need a piss or if I've already pissed myself.
[00:02:59] Speaker A: I don't want to keep interrupting Chris, but his songs tend to last for eight minutes. And I'm just trying to give everyone a flavor of what it was that made them so unique. And that was Mushrooms, which I must have heard about 25 different versions of it.
My favorite is when he starts fighting the farmers for the land. But no spoilers. No spoilers. Check out the back catalog yourself if you're not already familiar.
But basically had a few go to songs like Mushrooms and others, but they were different every time.
He was ad libbing all the way through, so he might have had a riff or a hook, but it was a stream of consciousness.
A very quick mind.
So he's like live. He's taking inspiration from whether a heckler, someone wearing a daft hat, or even an artist that's been on before him. He made When I share the stage with the Rum Check, he made a song out of a Musselburgh accent being a Musclebrook accent. And I was just buzzing that he'd even watched the set, never mind memorize it and turn it into a song.
I mean, at one point he was playing well over 100 shows per year.
He's played more festivals than he hasn't played And I was honored to have booked him for a couple.
We had a.
I think my favorite one was the Pyramid Stage at Kilbourne Garden party.
And he had the crowd in hysterics with posh munters on kit.
So we'll play a little bit.
[00:04:51] Speaker B: Posh munters on cats Posheads.
Posh munters on cats Posh munters on.
[00:05:08] Speaker C: Cats.
[00:05:12] Speaker B: And Georgia has lost her iPhone6 somewhere near Lion's den But Xander's given her another bump of kids get to me so she'll stop crying again.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: In.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: Their dreadlocks but they're not from a tenement yard in their haring pants but they're not from Morocco yard All mun posh English mun posh munters on cats They've had too much ketamine they're talking shy if they can talk at all.
I saw one with his head on the floor Forehead on the ground with his arse in the air People just left him there. They didn't care because they were just posh monters on cats Posh monters on cats.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: That one made me laugh there. This is really difficult to do for many reasons, but I'm devastated. I'm sad. And then I'm watching clips that are making me laugh. So I'm actually a bag of emotions right now.
But I think that's kind of the point is that I think the reason there's so many people are upset but be passing as he did bring so much joy to the world, to everyone who's seen him.
And yeah, it's sad that he's. He's not with us anymore. It's even sadder because he brought all that joy and.
Yeah. And also I want people to not speculate about why he's no longer with his. It's a really fucking rid and outrageous thing that seems to be quite common on the Internet just now. And it doesn't seem to be like what everyone is speculating that it is, but it's. It's not my place to speak about it. I just want to share some of his music and some of the memories.
So I've noticed that the first couple of songs are kind of. They've got a kind of festival vibe to them, drug references, etc. Etc. But you know, he had these PG songs as well. He had these hats. He had Anti Gravity Cats, Cats with Toast on Their Back, which is probably his biggest hit. And it's probably suitable for all ages. Maybe not. Depends which version, I suppose. But we'll play a little. A little clip of anti gravity cats from the. You call that radio stage. It didn't rap at all.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: You could create a feline turbine.
You only look crap toes on your.
[00:08:36] Speaker C: Backs do not our blocks of floods.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: You could create a feline turbine, a FEI turbine.
If you had enough ts toast on their backs, thrown out a box of flaps. You could power a community the size I've drum Drop it.
Now with the chorus.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: During lockdown, Chris was arranging grants or charity for people who were struggling.
And in day one of lockdown, he was the first ever guest on. You call that radio tv.
He was hilarious. I don't even remember how long it lasted for. But it was day one of lockdown. The world was confused and Chris confused him even more.
But he was brilliant that night. And yeah, you can still watch that interview. And he's on the show loads. He did a couple of open mic nights where he would play a couple of songs and then other people would come on and do songs over the over lockdown period and beyond as well.
But it wasn't just about the music.
Sometimes he would do a really good Jim from Coronation street impression.
[00:10:11] Speaker C: So it is like a virgin with your heartbeat next to Maine. Like a virgin touched for the very first team.
Lake of Virginia, Elizabeth. Someone is next to man.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: And other times he would have a message for Paddington Bear.
[00:10:39] Speaker C: Can I just say, before we have another contestant, there's something I need to say. Right. It's important for the future of Britain.
Right, Is it? Can I say something, Mark?
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Right, you can say whatever you like.
[00:10:51] Speaker C: Paddington, you little class trade little cunt. You come into the country on a lifeboat underneath a tarpaulin from Peru. No papers, no passport. All everyone else comes in is in a detention center having tea with a queen. You dealing furry little.
It's not just marmalade sandwiches under your hat, is it? The clues are in where you live. You're from Peru, where all the cocaine is grown by bears in league with the Ewoks. Then Peruvian bears are in league with the Ewoks. Ewoks are growing weed on the forest moon of Endor.
And Solo and Chewbacca, they don't go into hyperspace, they just have a pipe of DMT and think silicones.
I've had to live in Manchester because of Han Solo.
I lost the competition. Guess the weight of a horse. I normally win, but Han Solo distracted me with a pipe of DMT just before and I. I wrongly guessed that the horse weighed the same amount as a chihuahua and I had to leave Bradford back. I had to leave Bradford. I've ended up in Manchester. There's badges.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: And I know that the, you know, coming out Locked in was definitely a struggle. But he still did play festivals. He still. He played the Flying Duck, which. With the Gyros for the. The day after my dad's funeral. And he was amazing that night.
He was brilliant at Room two as well.
And we just finish on that.
Yeah, another. Another of these classics, I Hate Babies and I've been talking to lots of people since and I've been sent lots of unreleased stuff and I've got lots of unreleased stuff as well. So I'll maybe try and get all that together because I would love to see anyone that's got anything I might see. I've seen a really good one, a song he made with Slamberry the other day and that Mike and Kathika shared and it was a song he made to help her deal with her travel anxiety.
And I've heard Flaps Image has got a song that he made. Flapsam is from Signal. He's got a song as well, a collaboration that he's going to release this week. And yeah, hopefully everyone just.
The more Captain Hot Knives in the world, the. The better, I think.
So I'm looking forward to hearing some more unreleased music.
And.
And I think also it wasn't obviously the. The funny stuff is. Was amazing, but there's just so much great stuff he did with. With various bands. It was, you know, we. We started bands in the phone that never really came to anything. It was always starting bands and sometimes the bands would play gigs together. Tourette's Heroes, Fat Panthers.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: I like drinking lots of whiskey I like drinking lots of special brew.
Because there's a hole inside me and that holds the size and shape of.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: You and if you listen to the Fat Panther stuff, it's just. It's. It's more just showcasing his musical talent. He could play folk music, he play blues music.
He just chose to give everyone a laugh instead, most of the time.
And.
But yeah, anyway, shout outs to all his close friends and family or anyone who's just a fan or anyone who's struggling.
And yeah, we'll finish with the last. I think the last time I met him in real life, he always stayed in touch on the phone up until very, very recently.
But yeah, he played the gig at Room two, he stayed at mine. And yeah, he's gonna be missed and that's all I've really got to say. But yeah, go and treat yourself to watching Captain Haunted's back catalog I did. I tried to stay off social media the last few days because it was just a wee bit too much seeing all the tributes. But today I was reading the tributes and people were saying just funny stories. So I just thought I would. I had to say something before I go back to work and do other things. I just thought, you know, he was a genius and a friend and he will be dearly missed.
And this is. I hate babies.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: Is anybody in the audience pregnant?
Okay, well. Or anyone who's a parent.
I hate babies.
I hate babies.
I hate babies.
I'm sick of babies.
If one of your mates came around to your house, sat next to your Mrs. Got one of her tits out, started to suck on the end of her name, then pissed himself and shit himself and threw up down her back, he'd smash his fucking face in.
You wouldn't invite him round again.
You wouldn't even let him in.
You won't give him any more ketamine.
But babies get away with it because they're cute. They're just leaving. Bastards in a wrong pursuit. They stolen all my friends. No one goes out anymore, anymore. Because everybody's sitting around on the front room floor going, oh, doing a jigsaw.
What's the point of jigsaws, man?
Get a picture and chop it into bits and make a baby, put it back together.
That's just vicious.
And it's one law for babies and one law for me.
For example, if I go into Tesco's, shit myself and piss myself and start to cry again, I'll just get sectioned again.
And babies can make as much noise as they want late at night, but not me. People bang on me wall, they bang on me floor, they bang on me door. They say, shut up, you fat, alcoholic, manic depressive. Caring the community. Ben, George.
And I shout, back off, mom, Do you hate babies?
I hate babies.
I fucking hate babies.
I hate babies.
I'm sick of babies.
I'm jealous of their lifestyle.
Nobody ever asks a baby what they've done to look for work in the last two weeks.
Nobody ever asks the baby if they've got anything else in their pockets that the police should be aware of.
And they spend their lives lying on a bed sucking on tits that are bigger than their heads.
Lucky bastards.
Lucky bastards.
And babies casking up.
They're casking up for shit.
